Every week, I look forward to Tuesdays to see how much weight i lost, then once I weigh myself, i start looking forward to the next tuesday…I think i am addicted hehe… there are worse things to be addicted to i suppose.

Well, I was pretty dissapointed to see no loss this week. But, at least I didn’t gain and in the big picture, I have lost 63.6lbs since February.. that is awesome! Just when you are soooooo close to being under the 3s, you want to lose EVERY week so you can be that much closer, ya know?

Oh well, the time will come… and when it does I will want to have a party haha. Haven’t been under the 3s since probably around when I left highschool, so about *cough* fifteen *cough* years ago.

I am not letting this get me down! Well, I was down, but only momentarily lol Then when I looked at the big picture, I could see things a little more clearly.

Hope everyone is having a happy Tuesday! 20 mins and biggest loser starts, yay!!!!

One month down, 11 to go! Actually a little less than 11 now.  Since February 27th, I have lost a total of 63lbs!  I can not believe it, that is the most I have ever lost….ever!!  Normally it is about 20-25lbs and 2 months of trying… now it is 63 and over 8 months!

My 100poundyear goal though started as of October 8th which runs to October 7th – my 36th birthday.  So for the month, I have lost 5.6lbs.  I need to lose approximately 2lbs a week to meet this goal, I can do that…right??  Sure i can!

I watched the biggest loser tonight…as i do every tuesday night hehe. I love that show, so inspiring and motivating.  If they can do it, I most certainly can!

I think I am just telling myself this over and over so I will believe it. lol Either way, if i do or do not lose the 100 in  a year.. any loss is a good loss and 63 is pretty good I’d say!  I am the lightest I have been since I don’t know when….early adulthood I may have been lighter, but not by much.  When I was 28, I weighed 1lb more than I do now…

Anyways, just thought I would update everyone.  Thank you all for your support, encouragement and your kind words, I can not tell you enough  what it means to me.  People I don’t even know to be rooting for me, it’s awesome!

I watched an episode of Ruby a couple months ago on this.  In the episode she flew to see a friend of hers and it was talking about her being “a big person in a small person world”, on the plane no one could sit beside her because she took up part of the next seat and it would be too uncomfortable for the both of them.

But anyways, I thought of this episode on monday, as I experienced something similiar.  My job moved locations and I knew the cubicles would be small, but i didnt realize just HOW small.  My old office, the cubicle was massively HUGE…we were spoiled hehe. So i figured small would be normal… ya, not so much.

I came into work and was like holy small! My chair took up the whole office practically.  I lost it, I mean I lost 61lbs since February, but coming into my office and seeing that my chair took up the whole space.. i burst into tears.  I mean to get in and out of the office, i had to back the chair up and SQUEEZE in.. I know everyone must have been like why is she so upset? We are only keying and don’t need much space… but they don’t live in MY world! They don’t know what it’s like to be me, experiencing crap like this day to day… going to the movies and barely fitting into the seat(probably why i rarely go), anyways seeing my tiny little office, i felt like i gained 100lbs on the spot.. it was horrible.

They ended up taking a panel of my cubicle off so I would feel more comfortable and not feel so enclosed in my office.  I mean my office is so small, during break yesterday, I had my chair pressed right up against my desk and my feet stuck OUTSIDE my office! Apparently it is the standard size… but for who? someone who is 110lbs?!

Just bugs me, I should be feeling great that I lost 61.6lbs since February 27th, but i wasn’t thinking that at all.. what i WAS thinking of was.. so what? i am so massively huge i can’t fit into my office, what a loser i am etc etc etc… i was in tears all day which in turn ended up makin me sick I guess, cause I now have a cold.

Anyways, I should feel proud that I lost 61.6lbs.. and i mean i do.. but just this week i felt like crap(well more that day than the week). I mean i lost 1.8lbs this week, that is a GOOD thing! Just gotta keep telling myself that ha!

Anyways, sorry the post ended up not being a happy happy joy joy post, but the truth is, this journey won’t be all roses… i wish it would be, would be so much easier haha. But I am sure a lot of people out there will be able to relate to this entry themselves.  Keep your chin up, keep on truckin’ and know you CAN do it!! We all can.

Thanks for reading,

Megan

ps here is a picture from halloween